
The Twelve Hos of Tiger Woods' Christmas
A Perfect Ode to the Perfect Holiday Story
(Sung to the tune of "Twelve Days of Christmas")
Oh the first Ho of Christmas, she did give to me

My auto in the neighbor’s tree.
Oh the second Ho of Christmas, she did give to me

Two broken teeth,
And my auto in the neighbor’s tree.
Oh the third Ho of Christmas, she did give to me

Three French maids,
Two broken teeth,
And my auto in the neighbor’s tree.
Oh the fourth Ho of Christmas, she did give to me

Four call girls,
Three French maids,
Two broken teeth,
And my auto in the neighbor’s tree.
Oh the fifth Ho of Christmas,she did give to me

Five golden showers,
Four call girls,
Three French maids,
Two broken teeth,
And my auto in the neighbor’s tree.
Oh the sixth Ho of Christmas, she did give to me

Six gals a-laying,
Five golden showers,
Four call girls,
Three French maids,
Two broken teeth,
And my auto in the neighbor’s tree.
Oh the seventh Ho of Christmas, she did give to me

Seven sluts a-rimming
Six gals a-laying,
Five golden showers,
Four call girls,
Three French maids,
Two broken teeth,
And my auto in the neighbor’s tree.
Oh the eighth Ho of Christmas, she did give to me

Eight maids a-bilking,
Seven sluts a-rimming,
Six gals a-laying,
Five golden showers,
Four call girls,
Three French maids,
Two broken teeth,
And my auto in the neighbor’s tree.
Oh the ninth Ho of Christmas, she did give to me

Nine lawyers suing,
Eight maids a-bilking,
Seven sluts a-rimming,
Six gals a-laying,
Five golden showers,
Four call girls,
Three French maids,
Two broken teeth,
And My auto in the neighbor’s tree.
Oh the tenth Ho of Christmas, she did give to me

Ten sponsors leaving,
Nine lawyers suing,
Eight maids a-bilking,
Seven sluts a-rimming,
Six gals a-laying,
Five golden showers,
Four call girls,
Three French maids,
Two broken teeth,
And my auto in the neighbor’s tree.
Oh the eleventh Ho of Christmas, she did give to me

Eleven golfers gloating,
Ten sponsors leaving,
Nine lawyers suing,
Eight maids a-bilking,
Seven sluts a-rimming,
Six gals a-laying,
Five golden showers,
Four call girls,
Three French maids,
Two broken teeth,
And my auto in the neighbor’s tree.
Oh the twelfth Ho of Christmas, she did give to me

Twelve movers packing,
Eleven golfers gloating,
Ten sponsors leaving,
Nine lawyers suing,
Eight maids a-bilking,
Seven sluts a-rimming,
Six gals a-laying,
Five golden showers,
Four call girls,
Three French maids,
Two broken teeth,
And my auto in the neighbor’s tree!


