The Twelve Hos of Tiger's Woods' Christmas

The Twelve Hos of Tiger Woods' Christmas

A Perfect Ode to the Perfect Holiday Story

(Sung to the tune of "Twelve Days of Christmas")

Oh the first Ho of Christmas, she did give to me

My auto in the neighbor’s tree.

Oh the second Ho of Christmas, she did give to me

Two broken teeth,

And my auto in the neighbor’s tree.

Oh the third Ho of Christmas, she did give to me

Three French maids,

Two broken teeth,

And my auto in the neighbor’s tree.

Oh the fourth Ho of Christmas, she did give to me

Four call girls,

Three French maids,

Two broken teeth,

And my auto in the neighbor’s tree.

Oh the fifth Ho of Christmas,she did give to me

Five golden showers,

Four call girls,

Three French maids,

Two broken teeth,

And my auto in the neighbor’s tree.

Oh the sixth Ho of Christmas, she did give to me

Six gals a-laying,

Five golden showers,

Four call girls,

Three French maids,

Two broken teeth,

And my auto in the neighbor’s tree.

Oh the seventh Ho of Christmas, she did give to me

Seven sluts a-rimming

Six gals a-laying,

Five golden showers,

Four call girls,

Three French maids,

Two broken teeth,

And my auto in the neighbor’s tree.

Oh the eighth Ho of Christmas, she did give to me

Eight maids a-bilking,

Seven sluts a-rimming,

Six gals a-laying,

Five golden showers,

Four call girls,

Three French maids,

Two broken teeth,

And my auto in the neighbor’s tree.

Oh the ninth Ho of Christmas, she did give to me

Nine lawyers suing,

Eight maids a-bilking,

Seven sluts a-rimming,

Six gals a-laying,

Five golden showers,

Four call girls,

Three French maids,

Two broken teeth,

And My auto in the neighbor’s tree.

Oh the tenth Ho of Christmas, she did give to me

Ten sponsors leaving,

Nine lawyers suing,

Eight maids a-bilking,

Seven sluts a-rimming,

Six gals a-laying,

Five golden showers,

Four call girls,

Three French maids,

Two broken teeth,

And my auto in the neighbor’s tree.

Oh the eleventh Ho of Christmas, she did give to me

Eleven golfers gloating,

Ten sponsors leaving,

Nine lawyers suing,

Eight maids a-bilking,

Seven sluts a-rimming,

Six gals a-laying,

Five golden showers,

Four call girls,

Three French maids,

Two broken teeth,

And my auto in the neighbor’s tree.

Oh the twelfth Ho of Christmas, she did give to me

Twelve movers packing,

Eleven golfers gloating,

Ten sponsors leaving,

Nine lawyers suing,

Eight maids a-bilking,

Seven sluts a-rimming,

Six gals a-laying,

Five golden showers,

Four call girls,

Three French maids,

Two broken teeth,

And my auto in the neighbor’s tree!

AIG Renaming Headline and Logo

AIG Renaming Headline and Logo, originally uploaded by cathleenritt.

I took the liberty of rebranding AIG.  This is a sneak preview of the news story and new logo.

Not Phishing

I finally get around to blogging about all my friends and followers on Twitter and somebody else chose today to run a DM phishing scam.  Of all the rotten luck.   

Spitzer and Obama, Separated at Birth?

Barack Obama may want to re-think his leisure attire...

Eliot Spitzer's Last Day 3/15/08                                     Barack Obama's First Day 11/5/08

2751 Moments of Silence

Last year, 6 months into my fun, active Twitter life, I decided to honor the memory of 9/11 by not tweeting for the day.  While my family and I were extremely fortunate relative to many others (as my sister Suzanne described in her blog post) - I had stopped working in the North Tower June 15, 2001 - the horrible impact it had on our lives, our friends, our homes and our psyches makes it a day of mourning for me anyway.  As much as I enjoy Twitter, Facebook, Seesmic and the like, it felt frivolous and disrespectful to me to participate in them that day.

A few weeks later I met Jon Swanson , an Indiana-based pastor that I knew only through following and interacting on Twitter.  Rather than go into the long discussion of why this meeting represents the best elements of social media, blah blah, blah, I will reprint an email conversation I had with Chris Brogan behind Jon's back.

Me:  "I had coffee with Jon Swanson in NYC this past weekend.  What an

insightful, warm and caring man.  I ultimately sort of found him (and

vice versa) through you, so thanks."

Chris Brogan:  "I'm so glad you spent time with Jon Swanson. I think he

should be a national resource. : )"

Jon and I talked about many things, and I don't remember his exact words, but Jon told me that he thought my silence on 9/11 had been a good thing to do.  His response and support meant a lot to me.

In the past few weeks, as the anniversary approached, I knew I would be silent again, but I wanted the act to mean something more than my own grief.

How could I honor the loss of 2751 lives in one day of social media silence?

Getting out my calculator, I learned the grim statistic that 2751 over 24 hours amounted to just under 2 people per minute.  By defining a "moment" as 30 seconds, it would take 22.9 hours to observe a moment of silence for each individual killed that day.  The last hour honors those that survived, yet suffered loss or trauma, and are forever haunted by the events of that day.

2751 Moments of Silence.

Because social media like Twitter and Facebook have given me the luxury of meeting and befriending so many new, interesting individuals, while giving me a chance to develop personally, creatively and professionally, I want those 2751 individuals to have

it for a day.

2751 individuals never had the chance to tweet, post a Facebook status update, record a Seesmic, write their blog or to decide it was all stupid and a complete waste of time.  So on September 11th, neither will I.  I encourage you to join me.  

In response to, "What are you doing right now?", just say, 

2751 Moments of Silence.

E-Pop! Classic March 29, 1999: Pick a Pack of Peeps

The Easter season reminded me of this post, originally published March 29, 1999 in E-Pop! the pop culture  E-zine hosted by Dave Singleton and Cathleen Rittereiser.  It's from  E-Pop! #7   Live from Cafe Luxembourg Booth 11  

Happy Easter from www.gooeysugarydisgustingmarshmallowcandy.com

A few weeks ago I saw a commercial, a glimpse of baby chickens dancing followed by this URL:  www.marshmallowpeeps.com.    

A pop-culture phenomenon bigger than Robert Loggia?  It deserved investigation.

You know Peeps.  Yellow and pink marshmallow chickadees permanently attached like Siamese twins.   With Easter approaching, you can find them packaged in flimsy pastel boxes, piled in supermarkets, drugstores chains and 7-11's.

Ever thought about Peeps?

A peep at the website reveals the Peeps as much more than chewy, sugared blobs of marshmallow.  A typical corporate site featuring dull design and a link to press releases, it nonetheless offers engaging insight into Peeps lore and presents a solid case for Peeps' icon status.   I put together my own set of Peeps FAQ's to show you what you can learn from it. 

Q. How come I never knew much about Peeps until now?

A. "We have witnessed the explosion of 'Peepsmania' throughout the years."  claims the product manager.  "Just Born decided to provide loyal Peeps consumers with an official web site to keep up with Peeps news, trends, events and more."

Q. Where do Peeps come from?

A. Just Born, Inc., a privately-owned company located in Bethlehem, PA., manufactures and markets Marshmallow Peeps and Bunnies, Mike and Ike, Hot Tamales and other seasonal marshmallow confections. The family-owned company celebrated its 75th anniversary in 1998.

Q. What is the Peeps theme song?

A. "Pick A Pack of Peeps".

Q. What's the latest news on the Peeps?

A. Blue Marshmallow Bunnies.  "Blue Peeps were the stars of last year's Easter season. Now, blue Bunnies have been added to our colorful Easter Peep palette and we're sure to see them hopping into holiday recipes and crafts, not to mention taking their place next to blue Peeps in millions of Easter baskets nationwide."

Q. How should I decorate my home for the Easter holiday?

A. Make a Peeps Mobile.  Attach Marshmallow Peeps and Bunnies to clear fishing line and hang at different lengths from a coat hanger that's covered with ribbon. Or, for a whimsical touch above your holiday table,  just hang Peeps on clear wire directly from your chandelier.

Q. What desserts would really impress my holiday guests?

A.  Marshmallow Peeps on a Popsicle: Gently push a Marshmallow Peeps Chick on one end of a clean popsicle stick. (Editor's Note: Ouch!)  Tie a long ribbon under the Marshmallow Peeps and place next to party plates.  Use alternate color Marshmallow Peeps Chick (yellow, pink, white, blue or lavender) and complementary color ribbons.   

Or try...

Marshmallow Peeps In A Cloud.  Decapitate each Peep, melt the body in the oven and then re-attach the head prior to serving.

Q. What else can you do with Marshmallow Peeps?

A. Strange things people like to do with Marshmallow Peeps: eat them stale, microwave them, freeze them, roast them, and use them as a pizza topping.  (There's more, but E-Pop! wants to maintain its PG-13 rating).

Q. And, finally...Will Peeps make me fat?

A. Each Peep has 32 calories (160 calories per five-chick serving) and 0 fat grams.  (Quick, call Sarah Ferguson.  How many Weight Watchers points is that?)

Q. Where can I get more information?

A. Peeps fans are invited to send a self-addressed, stamped, business-size envelope to obtain a free Marshmallow Peeps Holiday Crafts and Recipe Brochure. Interested consumers should send their envelope to Peeps Holiday Ideas, 1300 Stefko Blvd., Bethlehem, PA., 18017-6620.

Peeps, pop-culture icons. Peepsmaniacs check out www.marshmallowpeeps. com,  or the "unofficial" Peeps websites www.geocities.com/Area51/Nebula/1130/peep.html

The Bucket List, Now More than Ever

First thing on the morning of Tuesday January 8th, my Twitter and Facebook friend and muse, Connie Reece, tagged me in her note Connie's Bucket List 2008. Written in response to a tag from Jeff Pulver in a meme he originated, the meme refers to the recently released movie, "The Bucket List".

Jeff puts it this way,

"In the spirit of the movie, and in the spirit of trying to make 2008 be the year that we all start to do some of the things we would like to accomplish one day, I thought it would be fun to reach out to friends across Facebook and ask them to share some of the things on their "Bucket List" they hope to remove during 2008. For some of us, these are not necessarily our "New Year's Resolutions", but rather things we have been meaning to do for some time that we WILL get done in 2008."

Connie, knowing full well my powerful Getting Nothing Done skills, (I still haven't written a post she tagged me for last April) made sure to send me a direct message on Twitter to let me know she had tagged me. I responded that I would take a look, but didn't read her note until Tuesday evening. After doing so, I logged onto Twitter and learned that Ashley Spencer, aka @ashdpreggo, @ashDmama and @ashPEAmama, a 29 year old mother of 2 children, including a 2 month old baby girl, had lost her life in a car accident that morning.

Although Ashley and I followed each other, we did not interact that much, but I cared about her, having read her tweets throughout her entire pregnancy. While I remember thinking at one point that her pregnancy seemed to last forever (so I can only imagine how she felt) I was as happy about the November birth of Lucy as if I were her natural aunt. I felt like Lucy belonged to all of us. My heart breaks at the loss of Ashley and the loss her family has suffered. Ironically, I ended the day exchanging messages with Connie and tagging her with the sad news.

A loss like this makes the idea, not just of having a Bucket List, but of acting on the Bucket List more real and more imperative. Having to think and write about it has become more challenging, since I cannot make light of it --well maybe a little--the way I might have if I had written it Tuesday morning.

With that in mind, I will answer the question from a few perspectives.


1) What is on your Bucket List for 2008?

On January 2nd, I posted the GND: Getting Nothing Done trademarked process for creating New Year's resolutions. Essentially you find the electronic document of last year's New Year's resolutions saved on your computer, change the year to 2008 and save as "New Year's Resolutions 2008", then go back to your regularly scheduled programming. Steph Stockman then asked me through Twitter if I could give her my resolutions and I responded with a comment like, "Here's what they have been since 1993. Lose weight, get a new job..." You get my drift.

Because my new year's resolutions have remained resolute all these years, putting them on my Bucket List for 2008 seems superfluous. Let's just assume they're there. I take this question to mean,

"What do you want to accomplish specific to 2008?"

Bucket List for 2008

• Better integrate my skills and interests into my professional life.
• Leveraging my book to build my network, do more public speaking engagements and get a contract and begin to write more books.
• Apply my growing knowledge of social media, social networks and Web 2.0 to my current job in an industry that has resisted those tools.
  

• Better integrate my skills and interests into my life
• I love my Twitter and Facebook peeps but I need to spend more time interacting face-to-face with people. I hope and expect that some of that interaction will be from meeting more of my Twitter and Facebook peeps in person.
• Continue to develop as a comedic writer and performer and blogger by doing the work.
• Give back in both the online and off line world through the Frozen Pea Fund.
• Recognize that my comfort zone has become my constriction zone and extricate myself accordingly with alacrity.

2) What is on your Bucket List for Life?

I see this as the list of things I want to accomplish before I die, particularly the things I would try to accomplish if I knew I only had 6 months to live. Some of them seem fanciful, some doable, but all worth trying.

• Win an Oscar. (If I had only a 6 months, it would be to go to the Academy Awards in person, probably as a seat-filler.)
• Buy a great NYC apartment
• Travel more throughout Europe
• Learn to play the bagpipes
• Drive the Zamboni at Madison Square Garden during a Rangers and New Jersey Devils game
• Play a round of golf at St. Andrew's
• Become the bench coach for the New York Mets

3) What is on your 1 Day Bucket List?

Ashley Spencer did not know she only had one day to live. Fortunately she spent the last day of her life watching and cheering her favorite college football team the LSU Tigers onto victory. Her last tweet the night of the 7th was,

"So happy I can't stand it! Geaux Tigers!"

So what would I do if I knew I had only 1 day left to live?

I would go out to New Jersey to see my family and spend the day

• Drawing houses and skyscrapers
• Playing house, dolls and hide and see
• Watching my niece perform in a musical comedy
• Cheering my nephew at his hockey game
• Watching Top Chef with my sisters,
• Discussing baseball and politics with my brothers
• Eating my dad's lasagna
• Reading bedtime stories

And very, very important

• Hiding from the wolves and coyotes in the basement
  

What's on their Bucket Lists for 2008? I'm tagging:

• My sister and equally sporadic blogger, Suzanne Anderson.
• CreativeSage, Cathryn Hrudicka
• My Scrabble buddy Kevin Gamble
• Jon Swanson, assuming he hasn't been hit up for this one 100 times already
• PulverHeads leader Annie Boccio
• Jeff O'Hara who has been blogging twice as long as I have known about blogging
• JP Rangaswami, a friend that is a pioneer in integrating finance with social media
  

What's on your Bucket List for 2008?